That Was Then, This is Now

It's been 14 months past the injury. Just reading through the journey is stressful because I live through all of those emotions. Today I can say I am in a much more stable place. I'm still somewhat isolated as I have little desire to socialize even with my closest friends. This is a little hard to swallow because I miss them, I miss the laughs, it's just weird. My moods have leveled out a lot!! It's hard to determine if they have leveled out or if I have just learned who, when and how much I can subject myself to. I did have a stimulating possible volatile encounter the other day and I managed for my head not to spin completely off my body and I did not end the conversation in the tone of that of a basketball coach. So just that alone tells me maybe I'm handling my most difficult relationships a little better. I have, of course, built quiet a fortress of protection around myself. It's invisible but it's there. I have learned to control when and if I subject myself to situations that might make me edgy or just down right mad. Every thing seems to be holding. I have an actually feeling of happiness that eluded me for most of last year, I'm actually experiencing dreams at night which had been completely shut down, so I believe that my brain is currently functioning on a much higher level than it has in months. My continued prayers is that every day God will tweak it just a little more until I actually recognize the person I am as the person I was. I think I will always be a tad more jaded than I was before, but I'm not complaining because things are so much better now than they were even 2 months ago.