During June and July my physical problems began to level out a little. The fatigue was still there but much better. I still had headaches, but I began to notice that every few days I wouldn't have one. Any reprieve was welcome. As the physical aspects of the injury began to fade, the emotional aspects became more clear. It was around this time that I began to notice that I had been withdrawing from my social network. The withdrawing had been going on for some time, but I wasn't really conscious of it. I became more aware that my verbal filter was impaired causing me to say things before they were thoroughly thought out. Again, this was not a new problem, but it became more defined because I wasn't struggling so much with my physical issues. My husband had been a rock of support, but the strain was beginning to show on him as well.One evening he told me that he just wanted his old wife back and that he was afraid the fall had taken away the part that made us soul mates. This broke my heart! I couldn't stand to see him continue to suffer and yes, the feelings of guilt were overwhelming. I felt guilty for not being able to heal myself. I felt personally responsible for the burden he was under. In July I began seeing a Certified Counselor who had training with TBI therapy and Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I could no long deny, nor laugh away what had happened and it was imperative that I understand what was happening and to cope with it the best way possible for the sake of my marriage and my family.I had reached what some call the "Uneasy Acceptance" of my recovery. The Counselor was able to explain to me things the neurologist had not taken the time to explain. She talked me through the mine fields of the injury to a place of healing and understanding. Seeing a Counselor was one of the best things that I did. I could talk open and honestly with her about every aspect of the injury without fear of judgment. Since she wasn't familiar with my past, she made no attempt to pull from my past to explain my present. She just took me where I was and began walking me through the process of understanding what was going on. Her neutrality was a healing ointment to my wounded heart that was losing it's way in a sea of the familiar faces. Familiar faces who although they loved me, had no understanding of what was happening, nor how to help me.
June & July Sweetp
http://sweetlife4me-jp.blogspot.com/2010/06/part-of-me.html
http://sweetlife4me-jp.blogspot.com/2010/06/stained-glass.html
http://sweetlife4me-jp.blogspot.com/2010/07/never.html
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Month Five
The month of May rolled through with little to no change in my physical or emotional well being. I continued to take short naps at lunch in order to make it through the rest of the work day. My stamina may have increased just a tad. I could stay up past 5:30 in the evening more often although 8:00 p.m. was pretty much my limit. I seldom did anything after work that I didn't have to do. We became very selective of the events we attended on the weekends, so that I wouldn't be so fatigued during the week. Without my husbands knowledge I would decline invitations our friends would extend, because I simply did not want to be around anyone. When he found out that I had declined a couple of invitations he as shocked. It was so out of character for me to miss a social event or an opportunity to enjoy my friends. This self isolation caused him additional concern as did my tendency to just bluntly say whatever was on my mind. I have always been known as a pretty blunt person, but I was diplomatically blunt, not brutally blunt. I also had little tolerance for offenses, it didn't take much for someone to royally tick me off. Low tolerance and unfiltered bluntness is a very lethal combination. I made another appointment to see my Neurologist at the end of May to run some of these new traits by him as well as the unrelenting fatigue. I feared that I was losing my mind. My emotions and physical abilities seemed so unstable from day to day, I needed to know if this was normal. My husband and I sat in his office and I told him I needed him to tell me if I was losing my mind. I described how things fluctuated daily. I explained how I would feel great and then all the sudden practically collapse from fatigue. He was an elderly gentleman and a extremely good listener especially by today's standards as doctors are concerned. He listened to my description and than said the sweetest thing... "First of all let me assure you, you are not crazy." I could have kissed his feet! Everything I was experiencing was typical for my injury... That was the good news. The bad news was, full recovery could still take a year or so longer. I left the appointment feeling better knowing that my abnormal was perfectly normal. At some point you have to hold on to the positives, regardless of how tiny they are, with both hands, and continue on.http://sweetlife4me-jp.blogspot.com/2010/06/part-of-me.html
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)